A short self-paced course · $47 CAD

Communicating Safely With Your Ex

How to handle messages and handovers while protecting yourself and your case.

A message arrives, your stomach drops, and an hour later you're still drafting a reply in your head. If every exchange feels like a test, that isn't you being oversensitive. This course gives you a calm, simple way through: what needs an answer, when to reply, what to say, how your messages will read to a judge, and how to set things up so each exchange takes less out of you.

Also putting your account in order? Get both courses for $147.

What changes

• You'll know which messages need an answer, and which don't
• You'll choose when you reply, instead of the phone choosing for you
• You'll have a simple shape for replies, and wording you can adapt for the situations that come up most
• Your messages will read calmly and clearly if a judge ever sees them
• Handovers will be shorter and calmer, and the children kept out of the middle
• You'll have a record you can rely on, without rereading it every night

I read a great many of these messages when I prepare reports for courts. This is what I've learned about what helps, set out so you can use it today.

How it works

Sixteen short written lessons, a few minutes each, most ending with one small task. You can finish it in an evening or take it slowly.

0. Before you start — what this is and isn't, keeping your phone and accounts private
1. Why it takes so much out of you — when every message feels like a test; how messages read to a judge later
2. Deciding whether, and when, to reply — not everything needs an answer; taking back your own timing
3. Writing the reply — a simple shape, replies you can adapt, a check before you press send
4. Systems that save energy — one channel and parenting apps, checking less often, keeping a record without living in it
5. Handovers — calmer exchanges, and what children carry between homes
6. When it's more than messages — where to get help, and when
7. Your Toolkit — printable pages: before-you-send card, reply wording, communication log, handover notes, your plan, and where to get help

Questions people ask

Both courses, $147

Communicating Safely With Your Ex helps with the messages and handovers you're dealing with now. Your Account, In Order helps you put years of what happened into a clear, dated account a court can follow. Many people need both. Together they're $147 instead of $174.

Who wrote it

Elizabeth Joy Dubois, MSW, RSW, is a Registered Social Worker who prepares independent expert reports on coercive control, for either side, and gives evidence on them as an expert witness. Over two decades across clinical, hospital and legal settings, and a specialised practice in coercive control.

General information, not legal advice. No testimonials or outcome claims appear on this site, by choice.

Make the next message smaller

$47 CAD, includes the printable Toolkit. Go at your own pace.